Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
