i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
