Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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