Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
