he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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