she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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