Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
