White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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