the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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