Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
