the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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