It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
