i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
