There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
