My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
