TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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