I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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