sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
