According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
