Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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