First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
