Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
