Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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