I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
...so i touched it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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