My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
