I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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