Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
should my penis look like a turkey
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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