I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
