I am spending my child support on dildos
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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