If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
