you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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