Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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