"it" just moved
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
