she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
