We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
