I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
