Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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