I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
