And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
