Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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