He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
