Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
