Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
