I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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