Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
