Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
