I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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