i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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