At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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