I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
