i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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