i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
