Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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