sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
