So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
