dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
