Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
