Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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