butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I puked a lego.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
