Cold hands, warm shart.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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