I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just tell him i said nine months
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
