she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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