your parents love me but you hate me
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
