ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
