Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
