The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
