he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
