you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
