Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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