im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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