Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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