My cat gives me a boner
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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