We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
