In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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