last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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