the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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