i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
