I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
