i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
