i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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