just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
